She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Randomize
