The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
