Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
