I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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