I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
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yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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