Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
