I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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