I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
