If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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