I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
if only i could text you this smell
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
false alarm, still single
Randomize
