I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
