I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
