return my video game
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Randomize
