i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
