I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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