Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Randomize
