I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Can I color on your dick again?
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
