i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
the liver wants what the liver wants
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
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