I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
