Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
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