His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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