It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
