does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
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