I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
