Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
