you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
