I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Randomize
