I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
