I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize