Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
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