Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
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