Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
