he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I want her autograph on my taint
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
