true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
