I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
