He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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