Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
