FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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