Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Randomize
