whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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