Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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