Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
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I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How external is "for external use only"?
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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