i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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