Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
