An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
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I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
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...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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