worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
where does the pee come out of this thing
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
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i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
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The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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