Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
