I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
