Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
