I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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