I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Randomize
