is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
