im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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