Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
