if you like me you must not know who I am
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize