I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
