if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Duck Duck Cougar?
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
