I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
