We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
