Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
