Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
