Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
