you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
