When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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