People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Randomize
