You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
3 2 1 whiskey
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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