Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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