i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
