Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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