doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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