The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
