I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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