Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
