umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
whose parrot is this?
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Randomize
